What is Discipline?

Before continuing with the continuing saga of Sally and Mom, I want to further discuss discipline.  Moving forward it's important to have a good understanding of it.  As mentioned in other posts, discipline is the biblical remedy for foolishness in children.  Remember that foolishness defined is simply a core belief that I can make it own my own in this world without God and/or conforming to His moral order.  This is a conviction that if left unchecked grows and strengthens over time.

Discipline, as a remedy, is aimed at changing that internal foolishness, not its fruit, i.e. behavior.  It's purpose is to encourage a belief change concerning the best way to live.  Discipline is not primarily to teach a moral value.  Moral values are certainly taught but not directly.  When discipline is reduced down to "do what's right, don't do what's wrong" the child begins to think "I have to cram myself beneath these values or I can resist."  So again, discipline is the prescription for changing foolish beliefs.  It isn't a guarantee.  It is the proper parental response to the core problem in children - 1) because is is aimed at the child's wrong beliefs which animate the direction of their wrong choices and 2) it respects them as individuals made in the image of God.  Children (like us all) are created as relational beings meant to believe their own beliefs, set their own goals, choose behaviors that are consistent with those goals, and to have their own emotional responses to life.  They are not our property.  Allow your children the right to disobey... yet not without consequences.

In order to flesh out how discipline is intended to work take a look at the physical reality of this world.  There are consequences to going against physical laws and quite naturally children learn how best to live through a cause and effect  relationship.  The stove in the kitchen is hot.  I tell my two year old "Don't touch the stove, it's hot!"  He touches it and immediately feels pain!  That cause and effect quickly teaches a lesson about God's physical order.

But what about the other reality of God's world, His moral order?  This reality is invisible.  You can't see it nor touch it with your hand.  And yet it is just as concrete and real.  Like the physical realm, the moral realm is created by God and life works best when we conform to the laws of that unseen reality.  But the problem is that our children are born disinclined to believe (foolishness) in this moral structure.  This is something all parents know but are too often shocked and surprised when that foolishness expresses itself.  Mom and Dad teach Sally, "Be kind to your little brother, share with him."  Sally disagrees that this is the best way to act thinking, "No, my little brother just took my toy.  I'm going to hit him!"

Herein lies the difficulty of teaching right and wrong.  This order isn't as easily learned as the physical.  First, children are born disbelieving the truth of how they were created to live.  They actively are opposed to that direction.  That isn't so with the physical realm.  And secondly, there is a rather long gap between the sowing and the reaping.  The pain of a burn from a hot stove is immediate.  The lesson is learned.  When someone acts against the moral laws surrounding them it, in fact, often works... for a time.  There is a painful reaping which eventually comes, if not in this life then afterwards (Psalm 73).  And we all become quite adept at finding ways of delaying the various consequences of following our own self-serving paths.  So too with children who really don't believe that if they violate God's moral order that things won't work out.  They can ignore it unless...

Effective parenting demonstrates to children that going against the moral reality or laws of this life will lead to discomfort and pain not to pleasure... by exhibiting that a moral order does exist.  How?... by introducing some immediacy of consequences around their children.  Those disciplines of discomfort applied to their foolishness are minor "glimpses" of the very real painful consequences that ultimately result from defying that moral reality. Discipline is a disagreeable consequence meant to coax children to reconsider their wrong beliefs and change direction.

So... discipline is the loving-parental-provision of what foolish-belief-governed-behavior will lead to if embraced in this life.  That sample of pain is thus aimed at weakening that wrong moral-world view in children.