Parents Flying Blind...

One evening years ago as we were troubleshooting a situation with our children, Barb and I came up with the phrase "flying by the instruments." It hit us that parenting was often like flying a plane through dark and stormy skies with little or no visibility. A pilot couldn't look out his cockpit window and know how to keep the right course or to adjust course as needed in order to reach his destination. He couldn't see ahead. The answer for the pilot was to rely on the instrument panel in the cockpit. And to do that demanded he ignore his "instincts" or feelings. Because the turbulence of the storm could last quite a long time, the pilot had to learn that the evidence of the correct altitude and the correct course was not the state of the weather (which often remained stormy for long periods of time). Rather what gave him reliable guidance were the indicators of the instrument panel. Consider this blog my attempt to draw parent's eyes to the instrument panel that can guide them through many of the storms of raising children.

Flying Blind BY T. A. HEPPENHEIMER
In the early days of aviation, pilots learned to fly by instinct. But in low visibility, instinct was worse than useless—it was deadly.
... in the 1920s and 1930s flying in clouds or fog—flying blind—was extremely dangerous even away from airports and in windless air. Pilots by then were flying at night, by following beacon lights that marked their routes. But if an aviator could not see the ground because of fog, or lost sight of the sun amid gray daylight murk, it was almost certain that he would quickly lose control, go into a spiral dive, and crash. No one knew why this happened, but happen it did, with depressing regularity. Something about being cut off from familiar reference points made it virtually impossible for a pilot to maintain straight, level flight.

Even birds couldn’t do it. An Army flier, Lt. Carl Crane, tossed a blindfolded pigeon out of an airplane and saw it spin out of control. The bird could do no more than let itself fall with wings held high, which amounted to bailing out. That settled it; if even a bird couldn’t succeed, no pilot could be expected to fly blind if all he had was the seat of his pants. Instead, blind flight would demand a completely different approach, in which a pilot would learn to disregard his senses altogether and rely on gyroscopic instruments. Fortunately, the means to build such instruments lay at hand. Indeed, the gyro had already starred in a spectacular demonstration.

Prepare for take-off....

Fasten your seat-belts and prepare for takeoff....

The Far Side

Thirty-seven years ago this August, Barb and I became parents. For much of the next twenty-odd years it seemed like we were in a running conversation about parenting. Discussing, brainstorming, venting frustrations and fears, praying, devising and implementing strategies, rejoicing, and often returning to the drawing board... with the refrain all parents have said more than they'd wish to admit, "Now what do we do?!" This enterprise of parenting is bigger than any one or two adults even on their best days. Why is that? Because parents, who happened to be flawed, are tasked with parenting children who are likewise flawed. Both are created in the image of God, which bears directly on parents' goals and tasks as well as expectations of their children's behaviors.  So how are we to guide and teach them in the way that they should go?... in our saner moments knowing we are unable to control our kids, nor should we, yet always looking about (often desperately) for some combination of positive and negative incentives to guarantee their obedience!

 Looking out the window of the parental cockpit we may at times see only storm clouds and darkness. We are often “flying blind,” but we mustn’t forget the instrument panel. It contains a compass and other navigational aids. Clear guidance is indeed available to give direction. There are ways to think about our task of parenting which make it less daunting and more effective.

So why a blog on parenting now? My kids are grown and have their own. Right... Well, the thing is those discussions on parenting never stopped. Oh, they're much less frequent now. And they've changed somewhat, in that now we find ourselves find ourselves thinking through the children-challenges our daughters and their husbands and their friends face as well as those of our own friends.

Who is this blog for? Parents, grandparents, will-be parents, would-be parents, young and old.

And what is the purpose of the blog? To be a place where I may pose questions regarding parenting followed by thoughts and ideas as to how possibly to think those questions through. It is to be a place where you may ask parenting questions including those of your particular crisis of the day. Hopefully we can see our way clear to greater confidence in parenting as we learn to attend to the instrument panel while flying blind. I begin this blog with some trepidation--no formulas, nor ready-made answers. However, I am convinced that there are indispensable practical guidelines for effective parenting. I hope my contributions may prove valuable to readers, but I very much hope that yours will as well.