Foolishness and discipline...

Discipline, behavior enforcement?

Let's review a bit...  First, what is the core problem with children?  In a word, foolishness is the problem (see Proverbs 10:1; 15:20-21; 17:21; 22:15 and Jer. 4:22), which just so happens to be the same core problem in all of us!  And what is foolishness?  One way of defining it is the belief that outward comforts and things will satisfy the soul, and that we are convinced we have the power to gain that satisfaction independently of God.  Or more simply, foolishness is the belief that I can be happy if I get what I want, my own way.  Second, what is the purpose of discipline? Discipline is the application of an unpleasant consequence which delivers a prompt reminder that the above strongly-held foolish world-view is not only wrong but if consistently pursued will lead to heartache. 

Proverbs 22: 6 speaks of "training" a child in the way he should go.  Discipline is a central part of that training.  The word "train" in the Hebrew has the sense of - to narrow; or figuratively, to initiate, inaugurate.   As parents, one of the main things we are trying to do is narrow the field of choices that our children will want to make.  In so doing, parents are initiating them into a direction or path for living life that is not only right and works best in this world, but a path that will be of their children's own free choosing; parents can't make their children go the right way.  Another way of putting it is that through discipline, teaching, and relationship parents are working to instill or create a desire in their children for a moral direction that is right and good, one that cuts across the natural foolishness bound up in the heart.  In light of this understanding, we can then affirm that the goal of any specific discipline is not to change a child's behavior directly, but rather to give them pause, an immediate reminder that holding onto their wrong belief and goal (the fruit of which is selfish or irresponsible behavior) doesn't lead to happiness but rather to unhappiness.

Why the emphasis on foolishness and the purpose of discipline?  The understanding of these two key elements is at the center of the "control panel" that parents need to look at in order to make sense of their child's wrong behavior and to get an idea of what direction to take as an appropriate parental response.  When confronted with misbehavior in children, the parent's job is to diagnose, which entails thinking through and understanding what's really going on, and to administer an effective prescription that addresses the core problem of foolishness.

What's wrong with my child?!

In order to be on course to parent effectively, one needs to have a clear understanding on what is wrong with children. Why? Because the prescription that parents apply when they encounter problem behaviors is dependent on their assumption of what the problem is, i.e. the diagnosis. If the diagnosis is wrong then, of course, the prescription will not have its intended result. Effective discipline depends upon understanding what is the core problem in children and learning how to recognize it in the midst of often emotionally charge situations involving stubborn problem behaviors.

The problem with children is what Scripture calls foolishness, i.e. sin. In other words it is exactly what ails us all, no more, no less. And the core of foolishness is not the behavior but the belief behind it. Foolishness is that inward disposition regarding life which not only believes that outward things will satisfy the soul, but that one has the power to independently satisfy himself on his own terms. In a nutshell it's a belief that says, "I can be happy if I get what I want, my way." This is the core problem in children. And it is to this problem that discipline is to be directed. A problem behavior is simply the outworking of a wrong or foolish belief. So discipline is specifically purposed to weaken a child's foolishness; that they would reconsider and alter their belief about what's the best way to act in a given situation. Proverbs 22:15 reads, Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him (the point is effective discipline which includes much more than just spanking). To simply use discipline as a form of unpleasant, over-powering persuasion in order to get the child to change their behavior will leave the belief intact. That wrong belief will just show up in some other behavioral problem, often with more resolve on the child's part. I doubt there are few parents who can't relate to this. As parents our default position is to demand and expect obedience. With young kids especially obedience is often given, only to see it fade away in an instant as some other act of disobedience materializes seemingly out of nowhere.

Defining a child's core problem as foolishness or a committed self-centered way of living is not to deny there are real emotional difficulties that children may struggle with. They do experience various hurts and fears. And those struggles are often interwoven into a particular problem behavior. But it is essential to not lose sight of what is the main fuel behind the pattern of any behavioral problem - a wrong belief, foolishness. Next up, how to read the instrument panel while flying through behavioral storms, in order to recognize foolishness in action, so as to apply an effective discipline.