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| The Far Side |
Looking out the window of the parental cockpit we may at times see only storm clouds and darkness. We are often “flying blind,” but we mustn’t forget the instrument panel. It contains a compass and other navigational aids. Clear guidance is indeed available to give direction. There are ways to think about our task of parenting which make it less daunting and more effective.
So why a blog on parenting now? My kids are grown and have their own. Right... Well, the thing is those discussions on parenting never stopped. Oh, they're much less frequent now. And they've changed somewhat, in that now we find ourselves find ourselves thinking through the children-challenges our daughters and their husbands and their friends face as well as those of our own friends.
Who is this blog for? Parents, grandparents, will-be parents, would-be parents, young and old.
And what is the purpose of the blog? To be a place where I may pose questions regarding parenting followed by thoughts and ideas as to how possibly to think those questions through. It is to be a place where you may ask parenting questions including those of your particular crisis of the day. Hopefully we can see our way clear to greater confidence in parenting as we learn to attend to the instrument panel while flying blind. I begin this blog with some trepidation--no formulas, nor ready-made answers. However, I am convinced that there are indispensable practical guidelines for effective parenting. I hope my contributions may prove valuable to readers, but I very much hope that yours will as well.
3 comments:
So, do we just ask a question here in the comments? If so, then here's one S and I have been debating since we were dating: Could/Should firmly protestant parents let their teenager date a Catholic? And, one more: You see your kid being rude/selfish/bratty on the playground to another kid. Do you insert yourself or let them feel the natural consequence of their poor behavior (which they may or may not feel)? We haven't been debating that one since we were dating.
Thanks for the questions:
Q #1- First of all this isn't a theological question. The situation could easily be reversed and what would need to be addressed would be the same. So I don't think there is a moral right or wrong to what parents should or shouldn't allow in this kind of situation. But I would point out that by the time your teenager is old enough to date, if it came down to a battle of wills, it would be difficult to enforce a rule forbidding such dating and trying to enforce it could prove counterproductive.
This gets into what lies at the heart of the purpose of parenting. Is it to create a moral mold (a rule) and pour my child into it? That might lead to finding one day that your child has become either a robot or a rebel. OK, parenting is about rules, but it involves many other things - teaching, instructing, and effectively disciplining - over time, in the context of relationship. Parents should be somewhat like stewards or shepherds. How do I "shepherd" my child in the way they should go? Age appropriate rules are part of that, reflecting the moral world around us, God's moral universe, if you would. Yet parenting is not just the application of rules and disciplines. They are part of the parental arsenal, along with relationship and teaching to help create and nourish the desire in children to want to go the right way, i.e. to win them over to the idea that life works best if they live in accordance with God's moral world which, hopefully, our homes reflect in some real ways, of course never perfectly.
Parents, I think, should certainly have guidelines and rules about who their teenagers date. The parameters will vary from family to family and, maybe in your case, between mom and dad (time for a mom & dad chat). Again, I don't think this is a right or wrong choice. It might be better to consider the question of: If I want my teenager (who has embraced our faith tradition) to marry within that tradition, how do we teach and train them as they grow, instilling that desire and purpose? Rules are meant to guide not just restrict an unwanted behavior. Ultimately they will choose whom they marry. As parents, how do we whet their appetite to live in a way consistent with their faith?
What are your thoughts?
I am overjoyed at the maiden flight of this blog.
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