What's wrong with my child?!

In order to be on course to parent effectively, one needs to have a clear understanding on what is wrong with children. Why? Because the prescription that parents apply when they encounter problem behaviors is dependent on their assumption of what the problem is, i.e. the diagnosis. If the diagnosis is wrong then, of course, the prescription will not have its intended result. Effective discipline depends upon understanding what is the core problem in children and learning how to recognize it in the midst of often emotionally charge situations involving stubborn problem behaviors.

The problem with children is what Scripture calls foolishness, i.e. sin. In other words it is exactly what ails us all, no more, no less. And the core of foolishness is not the behavior but the belief behind it. Foolishness is that inward disposition regarding life which not only believes that outward things will satisfy the soul, but that one has the power to independently satisfy himself on his own terms. In a nutshell it's a belief that says, "I can be happy if I get what I want, my way." This is the core problem in children. And it is to this problem that discipline is to be directed. A problem behavior is simply the outworking of a wrong or foolish belief. So discipline is specifically purposed to weaken a child's foolishness; that they would reconsider and alter their belief about what's the best way to act in a given situation. Proverbs 22:15 reads, Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him (the point is effective discipline which includes much more than just spanking). To simply use discipline as a form of unpleasant, over-powering persuasion in order to get the child to change their behavior will leave the belief intact. That wrong belief will just show up in some other behavioral problem, often with more resolve on the child's part. I doubt there are few parents who can't relate to this. As parents our default position is to demand and expect obedience. With young kids especially obedience is often given, only to see it fade away in an instant as some other act of disobedience materializes seemingly out of nowhere.

Defining a child's core problem as foolishness or a committed self-centered way of living is not to deny there are real emotional difficulties that children may struggle with. They do experience various hurts and fears. And those struggles are often interwoven into a particular problem behavior. But it is essential to not lose sight of what is the main fuel behind the pattern of any behavioral problem - a wrong belief, foolishness. Next up, how to read the instrument panel while flying through behavioral storms, in order to recognize foolishness in action, so as to apply an effective discipline.